The Pollenocalypse

We all should have developed an immunity to pollen by now.  The same way we get used to the effects of caffeine and sugar.  You would think that since we have been exposed to it for so long that we would, eventually, not succumb to the effects of it but that’s not the case.

It takes over our worlds and smothers us.  And unless you work for a drug company or Kleenex, it makes your life miserable.

It’s not a disease or a zombie uprising.  It’s the great pollenocalypse.

Pollen arrives each year with a bang.  It covers our lawns, sidewalks and cars with that greenish/yellow hue.  Our pets turn yellow.  Our children turn yellow.   It’s springs version of a winter snow storm.  It blankets everything.

Of course pollen has it’s purpose.  The birds and the bees and all that.  You know the story.

But it seems a bit excessive.  Why is there so much of it?  It seems like such a waste of good pollen.

What if there were alternative uses for pollen other than the reproduction of trees and plants?

I’ve thought of a few:

Turn it into fuel.  With fuel prices rising, wouldn’t it be nice to use our excess pollen as an alternative to gasoline.  Surely there is a genius chemist or biologist out there who could invent the technology needed to do this.  I’d be the first to buy a pollen powered car.

Donate it to tree-less countries.  There are remote, third world cities and villages that do not have trees and plants.  I’ve seen them on TV and magazines.  Those poor kids sitting on the sidewalk without a tree to climb or without a lawn to walk through in bare feet.  What a horrible way to grow up, in a life without tree houses and yards.  A life without running through sprinklers or swinging from rope swings.  This could all be changed if we gave our excess pollen away.

Use it as artificial flavoring.  It already resembles sugar or salt.  The same chemist and biologists that turn it into fuel could turn it into something sweet or savory.  Imagine adding pollen to your morning coffee or adding a pinch of pollen into that casserole you’re making for dinner.  I’m sure pollen has good nutritional value as well.

With daily pollen counts in the thousands, most of our pollen is going to waste.  What would you do with it all?