The Stewies.Posted: February 27, 2012 | |
Apparently, everybody loves award shows. If you don’t believe me, check out twitter on any night that an awards show is on. It blows up. We love to watch celebrities award each other and pat each other on the back for their excellent work.
This made me wonder, what if we gave out awards to the people that had a part in making us who we are today? The ones who made an impression on us?
I would make little, golden statues of myself and call them “Stewies”. Except I couldn’t use real gold. I would have to use action figures and wrap them in aluminum foil to make them look shiny.
Since this is my first awards show, I’m going to have to go way back in my life. Here are five “Stewies” that I would award:
Best/worst pet: To my first dog, Bandit. He was very protective and loving towards me but he bit everybody that came around. The mailman. The garbage man. The babysitter. The Jehovah witness lady. If there is a heaven for dogs… he’s not in it.
Best girlfriend: To the girl I met when I was 10. She taught me about relationships at a young age and was the first girl that broke up with me. She did so because I wouldn’t couples skate with her at the skating party. I was embarrassed to be seen with a girl who wore yellow, Hee-Haw overalls. Yes, the TV show, Hee-Haw. The one with the banjos.
Best boss: Working at a pizza joint when I was in high school taught me a lot about the American work force. My boss taught me how to not be a good employee. He thought calling in sick was OK and that dressing in drag to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show was way more important than making money. Thanks for the memor… er, nightmares.
Best youth pastor: During my middle school years, Andy Stanley was instrumental to my spiritual growth. I’ll never forget our Wednesday night youth gatherings and the way he rocked the guitar and sang lead in the Good Stuff band. I think he went on to start his own small church.
Life time achievement award: My parents. They molded me and guided me into the man I am today, as they still do.
If you had a personal awards show, who would you award?